#1 Knight and Day

Dear Rache,

This blog is, more than anything, an expression of our overflowing love for you, our wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, albeit cinematically-challenged friend. We intend to present you with 500 acts of love in the best way we know how– that is, through the magic of the movies. Our first gift for you is the gift of time. Tonight, we will save you from wasting 109 minutes of your life. And, if we can, we will sit through another 109 minutes of mind-numbing nonsense just so you won’t have to. That’s how much we love you, Rachey! Here’s to you!

Knight and Day (2010) is about June (Cameron Diaz), a girl who reacts to life and death situations the way she would to the sight of a minuscule cockroach in her bathroom or- heaven forbid- a chipped nail. Tom Cruise plays Roy Knight, a secret-agent-gone-rogue who is never without his picture perfect smile and who treats absolutely everyone around him like a toddler. One cannot help but admire not his combat skills but his ability to sweet-talk and pep-talk the people around him into pacification while at it.

The movie starts with our leading lady finding herself, through sheer bad luck, suddenly entangled into this huge web of mess. The FBI is suddenly out to kill her, and she is just clueless as to why. Cameron is utterly discombobulated and so spends 90% of the film screeching like a thirteen-year-old. Every now and then, however, she manages to compose herself just in time to flash Tom her winning flirty smile. Our suave leading man, on the other hand, takes it upon himself to keep her alive (which, in his dictionary, means drugging her to sleep throughout all the action), and ultimately, as he keeps reassuring her throughout the movie, get her in time for her baby sister’s wedding. Later in the film, Cameron finally musters enough courage to get some action for herself, storms to give the bad guys a piece of her mind, and, 5 seconds into her tirade, ends up with a sack over her head.

This movie is reminiscent of:

Kindergarten Cop and that Vin Diesel movie where he plays a babysitter

A memorable line from the film:

Cameron to Tom, after they rolled together on the sand in the manner of Deborah Kerr and Burt Lancaster in From Here to Eternity: “Who are you? Who are you, really?”

Rating:

Do not watch under any circumstance.

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About 500 Movies for Rache

Rache is one of our friends, who, though smart and wonderful in every way imaginable, is particularly deficient in terms of her film knowledge. Now no friend of ours can be allowed to go on believing that movies such as Batang X and Little Mermaid 2 represent the height of cinematic excellence. And so, it is with a mixture of compassion and messianic complex, that we've decided to watch and review 500 movies for Rache, until March 31, 2011. There are three of us behind this blog, and we have decided that there is only one way to go about the movie-picking and reviewing process: indiscriminately. We will sit through the campy and the compelling, the indie films and the blockbusters, the critics' darlings and the straight-to-video. This is how much we love you Rachel. This is also - let's face it - how much we love ourselves. By March of 2011, we hope to have a good cross-section of cinematic genres, traditions, cultures and periods. (But in all likelihood, it will be mostly Hollywood fare). So Rache, our dear, pretty, wonderful, cinematically-clueless friend, and the many others just like her, THIS BLOG IS FOR YOU.
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